Four years ago, I called my sister-in-law and announced we were “ONE AND DONE!”

Because sleep deprivation is hell.

Also because when our miracle baby turned one, the stomach bug to end all stomach bugs entered our lives.

Y’all, this devil took our entire family O-U-T! The baby was sick, #RockStarDad was sick, I was sick. Somehow, we grown ups were supposed to deal with kiddie vomit in between our own episodes of it. Life was a revolving mess of missing work, cleaning up vomit, changing diapers, washing bed sheets, washing clothes, drinking pedialyte, moaning a lot, and laying on the floor. Come to think of it, that’s pretty similar to those early newborn days of sleep deprivation (and projectile spit up).

All this led me to conclude: no way would our little family survive if we had TWO small people tossing their cookies at the same time, plus momma and daddy down for the count. Life would stop. Like we’d get sucked into some germ-spewing vortex where we’d keep infecting one another. Ad infinitum.

A week later, I called my sister-in-law back: “Um, actually we’re TWO AND THROUGH!” And “It’s a BOY!”

I was pregnant. SIXTEEN WEEKS PREGNANT. I know that sounds ridiculous, so you can read about our struggle with infertility – in this post.

I wavered then between the terrifying prospect that one day FOUR people in my sweet little world could be puking simultaneously and the terrifying idea that I’d have TWO KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF TWO.

Who does that on purpose?!

In fact, for fifteen weeks I’d laughed manically at several of my dear mom friends who found themselves in the crazy position of being pregnant right after their baby #1s were born. Like, these babies would be 17 months apart – or 15 months – or (oh, holy hell) 12 months apart. And here I was, pregnant and didn’t even know it. Ha ha ha!!!! Love all you, girlies!

It’s hard. And awesome.

I’ve survived to report that life is awesome all these years later. Wouldn’t trade our TWO UNDER TWO-ness for the world. But I’m not gonna lie, the first 6 months were INSANITY!

When we brought baby #2 home from the hospital, I had to break up with baby #1. It was heart wrenching. Daddy was suddenly in charge of all things “first born” and big brother was suddenly forced to grow up. Especially when I was nursing the new love of my life.

I can still feel the gut-punch from when I first set up in the family room to breastfeed the littler tike. The bigger tike wanted to hang out with us, which distracted the littler tike. Hubby had to drag the 20-month-old out of the room, as he howled inconsolably for his MOMMY! He cried. I cried. Devastating.

But PAIN BUILDS RESILIENCE, right?! And who doesn’t want a resilient kid?

My guys are now 5 and 3.5 and totally in love with each other. That has patched up the holes in my heart from those first six, traumatic months of transition from a family of 3 to a 4-some.

Four years later, I can happily report (KNOCK ON WOOD) that at least 1 person in our house is healthy at all times. Occasionally that’s a small child. Which means that small child is left in charge of making homemade chicken soup peanut butter sandwiches for everyone.

And the other day, the littler one was looking through his baby book. He stopped on a picture of his big brother and asked, “Was he a baby, too? Look at his baby nose.” Yes, indeed, he was. He did have the most precious, 20-month-old baby nose ever.

Other mommas weigh in

Remember those mommas of multiples I mentioned earlier? I polled them (and a daddy, too!) to see what they’d say are the pros and cons of TWO UNDER TWO. Here’s the list for those of you wondering if you should make the leap – or OOPS, are suddenly, unintentionally, great with (another) child.

Lacey:
Mine are 17 months apart and they have the sweetest friendship. They are 11 and 13 now, and I cannot tell you how precious their relationship is. They are cheerleaders and advocates for each other. I could go on and on about their relationship!

Brooke:
Sucks for the first two years, but oh so awesome after that. Though one of my favorite games while nursing was trying to give the 2-year-old verbal directions. I remember trying to tell her where a toy was that was literally on the floor 2 feet behind her and it taking her 5 mins to find it. “Turn around!” and she would turn a full 360-degrees without looking down to see it. So entertaining!

Steve:
They fight a fair bit, but they also love and support each other. They are partners in life (and sometimes crime). They frequently snuggle at night, and they play together all the time, but there’s a lot of talk (sometimes arguing) about what’s fair and who got less. If I could do it again and had full control over these things, I might put more space between them, but I also love the way they are with each other.

Kate:
Mine are 16 months apart and I love their close relationship. This is the first year (at 10 and 11 yrs old) that they want to sleep in separate rooms. My 11 yr old “tween” is the one who wants space. But until now, even though they’ve always had separate bedrooms, they’ve wanted to stay together. They are best friends even though they fight over silly sibling stuff. I didn’t necessarily mean to have them so close together but now I feel like it was the best thing that could have happened.

I’m hoping they’ll be tight forever. I think the not wanting to share a room is a natural and good development given their ages, but I’m just nostalgic for my cute babies cuddling every night.

Beth:
Mine are 17 months apart. The first two years I don’t remember and I cried a lot (no sleep, two in diapers, basically having two babies at the same time), but then the exhaustion lifted and they gained more independence. I love having them close together because all the annoying baby stuff (diapers, bottles, toddler beds, figuring out sleep) ended quickly. Instead of having to start the process all over again with kids stretched out a few years.

My kids fight every day but they also play all the time together and are each other’s best friend. They play off of one another’s strengths/weaknesses. The extrovert helps the introvert find his/her way in social situations and the more chill, organized kid helps the other more intense one cope better with tough situations/feelings. They are also interested in the same shows, toys, activities so it makes it easy to plan activities. I am so glad we had them close together! There are financial negatives to being so close (two in college at the same time 😳) but it will be fine!

Melanie:
Well, my boys…I don’t think anyone would call their relationship precious! But pros: out off diapers and naps sooner (and all other baby stuff). Similar homework (not trying to juggle trig and basic long division). One year they were on the same baseball team – that was fun. And hopefully they’ll be out of the house sooner!!

Jess:
My boys are 21 months apart. Pros: they’re interested in the same toys, activities, tv shows. They can easily share a bedroom. And you go through the baby/toddler years all at once.

Cons: when it’s crazy, it’s CRAZY! Multiple kids who can’t take care of themselves (dressing, potty, eating, walking across a parking lot)…

Gwen:
I feel right now, I am just trying to survive! Haha! We knew we wanted two children. It had taken over a year of trying to conceive with boy child #1 and I was 35 when I delivered him. So when BC#1 was 8 or 9 months old, we decided to start trying for our second kid. Our thought process was that it may take a little longer this time, for I felt I was no spring chicken now that I was 36. The short of it, we were pregnant in what seemed liked two weeks. BC #2 arrived 18 months after BC#1 had made his world’s debut.

Some days I wonder what the hell we were thinking, but in the end I wouldn’t have wanted it to work out any other way. They are the best of friends, most of the time. I find that BC#2 is ahead of the learning curve, because of the knowledge his older brother brings home from school. The expense is real. Next week, I will be writing a check for both of them to attend preschool next year. I believe that this will be a precursor to what the rest of our lives will be like. Double the cost of everything, at the same time. I have fear of my grocery bill when they are teenagers. As far as college, all I can say is I hope they find a state school, with scholarships to take with them. 😂😂

On a side note, just now BC#1 hugged BC#2 and said, “I will always take care of you.” Those are the things that make my heart melt.

Cathy:
PROS. Big bro took to little bro right away, and he would hold him and rock him as a baby. They are now 5.5 and 3.5, and big bro is still looking out for little bro. They share a room – their choice. Their number one goal in life is to make the other one laugh. This made it easier because there wasn’t any jealousy from the get-go. They still fight like siblings and sometimes leave marks (eek!), but they love each other fiercely.

HUGE CONS. Major sleep deprivation! I feel like I missed out on a lot of big bro’s moments when he was 3. There were a lot of transitions at three: getting out of diapers, transitioning to a newer, bigger classroom, mom being tired ALL the time, mom and dad falling asleep during reading time. (Do you hear the guilt? I could go on…)

I just couldn’t be there for him like I usually was. Also, it felt like my little one was a baby for maybe a day. His baby stage is a blur. I found it hard to soak in and enjoy the baby stage of the little one like I did for the older one. I LOVE what they have now, but it was a struggle in the beginning.

Jessica:
Mine are 19 months apart and best friends. They constantly ask for “sleepovers” where they can just sleep in the same room. I only say no because, like most sleepovers, they wake up earlier! They get upset when the other gets in trouble and quickly regret being a tattle tail and have to deal with the other being punished (that means there is no one to play with now!)

I love that mine are close in age. Because: same school most years, same sports team, mutual friends.

Negatives: they are almost like twins and when one gets invited to a play date, the other wonders why he wasn’t invited. Also, my youngest weighs more than my oldest, so he was able to do a zip line, with a weight requirement, when my oldest couldn’t! But the oldest is taller and could race bumper cars first.

Latham:
Pros. They entertain each other. Plus, mine are best buds, but that may not be true for everyone.

Cons. Scheduling: for the next 18 years, you may need to be in 2 places at once. Equality: what one wants, so does the other – ALWAYS. Someone once told me it’s having twins the long way.

Baseline for everyday: asylum status, but I love the crazy. And, oh yeah…daycare: schooling one behind the other is, um, expensive!

What joys (and crazy) would you add to this list? Share your own thoughts on TWO UNDER TWO below or on Facebook at MothersRest.

Photo credit: Joshua Clay from Unsplash.com